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The Iron Bender

Thirty-something white trans woman with a serious love of The Legend of Korra and a passion for argument. My pronouns are she/her/hers. I am explicitly pro-social justice and I work to fight anti-blackness and transphobia. Porn and bot blogs will be blocked.
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This is a snapshot view of original blog at korrasera.tumblr.com

Toplist Points 185 == Toplist Rank [50.000+ (bad)]

Thinking on recent discussions I’ve had, I have some more advice to give.

Learn how to be wrong. Learn how to make mistakes. Learn that it’s okay to fuck up and that part of fucking up is that you trying to fix what got broken.

I’ve seen a lot of people react very poorly to finding out that they fucked up. Swearing, insults, explosive outbursts that seem really out-sized for the situation.

Here’s the thing though, our emotional reaction to feeling guilty can be really strong even if the guilt itself is really small. Yeah, it’s not good to blow up at someone because you screwed up and they said something about it, but feeling guilty is really uncomfortable and plenty of people have shown that when they can’t handle that discomfort they tend to get really aggressive.

So.

My advice is to learn how to be wrong. It’s going to happen and hopefully it’ll happen many times over the course of a long and rich life. Blowing up at people or digging the hole deeper doesn’t really do anyone any good, yourself most of all. If you can learn to handle the emotional difficulty then you can grow from the experience.

Plus, learning to acknowledge and accept when you’ve done wrong and are feeling real guilt is also a good tool for when someone’s trying to make you feel guilty when you have nothing to feel guilty for. Trying to shame people and trying to guilt-trip them is a powerful manipulative tool because these forces have a strong effect on our emotions. And the better in control of your own emotions you are, the hard it is for them to manipulate you.

5 months ago

On Guilt & Making Mistakes

I’ve seen arguments from multiple people that cis men that date trans women do not have straight privilege because they are not seen as straight by society. While I’ve criticized that position in the past, I never really found an easy way to express why that’s a harmful idea, until tonight:

Straight privilege is one of the things that gets trans women murdered by the men that date us.

That’s it. That’s the entire point.

There is a real, actual danger that we have to face from romantic partners, whether it’s a long term partner or a one-night stand. It has happened before and it will happen again because we are a long way from removing that stain of violence from society.

While I’m sure some cis men that are straight that are partners of trans women have faced some ridicule and attack because of it, there are also men who have used their privilege to harm trans women.

It’s not just that the idea misunderstands how privilege works, it’s not just that it’s based on bad reasoning, it’s that it tells trans women like myself that straight privilege doesn’t have anything to do with it if we get murdered by our partners and they get away with it because of a trans panic defense.

Seeing that argument come from someone who’s not a trans woman? Well, let me just say it’s all that much less persuasive. And when you consider that this idea affects more than just trans women, because the straight partners of other trans folks can also replicate this pattern? It feels kinda broke.

(Thinking about how toxic tumblr has been for me over the last year really reminded me about something I’d forgotten. When discussion devolves into people getting attacked, it derails the topic. The discussion stops and changes, so that it’s focused less on what’s being said and more the people saying it. And the last time it happened to me I never really got to make my point. So here I am.)

5 months ago

Straight Privilege and Dating Trans Women

@korrasera oh lord. the both of y’all were wrong when that stuff happened, and neither of you were going to admit it which is why i stayed out of it. the both of you made shitty choices and i wasn’t holding it against either of you because i get it, the two of you have different ways of communicating and can’t budge on that which is why that shit escalated the way it did. there’s not one guilty party, there’s two, but again, i don’t vilify either of you for it. that’s all i’m gonna say about it, this is not an invitation for debate, i’m not gonna address it any further. i’m going to bed, good night.

I can’t put this any other way:

Telling someone who’s been the victim of abuse and harassment that they were ‘also wrong’ when they were attacked is inappropriate and unethical.

I disagreed with someone, I didn’t attack people and I didn’t lie about people. I don’t have any burdens on my conscience.

To compare, people lied about me repeatedly, I was harassed by people both on and off of anon, and someone even started up a thread just to ask people if they had stories about me hurting people. And the same group of people who were responsible for that first round of harassment even went and found other abusive bullies on tumblr to try to sic on me.

If you want to let it lie, let it lie. Trying to @ me to teach me some sort of lesson about how I deserved to be harassed isn’t letting it lie, that’s picking a side and getting involved. You can just leave it at being a bystander.

i can’t sleep because this is anxiety inducing, but you’re just proving my point. i have set a boundary and you have chosen to ignore it for the sake of your own interests. you are not going to rope me into this discussion, and shame on you for trying after i said my post was not an invitation. you don’t have the moral high ground when you’re actively ignoring boundaries. stop.

I’m not going to respond again, but you don’t have the right to claim boundaries here.

You @’d me, you specifically pulled me into this thread.You decided to start a new thread just to talk to me and not the other party.Your point was to tell me I was wrong when I was getting harassed.

I’m not saying that you said something unforgivable or something horrible, you just said something rude. You then tried to play the boundaries card when I said that was inappropriate and unethical to do so.

Saying “this is not an invitation to discussion” is not an excuse. We’re not having a discussion, I’m giving you the consequences of saying something rude to me.

So yeah, no, you don’t get to claim boundaries on this. Especially when you did something that would jump on someone’s anxieties.

I think the moral high ground argument might be accurate here. If you don’t want to discuss it, don’t. And maybe don’t go around casting shame on people while you’re at it.

5 months ago

@korrasera oh lord. the both of y’all were wrong when that stuff happened, and neither of you were going to admit it which is...

@korrasera oh lord. the both of y’all were wrong when that stuff happened, and neither of you were going to admit it which is why i stayed out of it. the both of you made shitty choices and i wasn’t holding it against either of you because i get it, the two of you have different ways of communicating and can’t budge on that which is why that shit escalated the way it did. there’s not one guilty party, there’s two, but again, i don’t vilify either of you for it. that’s all i’m gonna say about it, this is not an invitation for debate, i’m not gonna address it any further. i’m going to bed, good night.

I can’t put this any other way:

Telling someone who’s been the victim of abuse and harassment that they were ‘also wrong’ when they were attacked is inappropriate and unethical.

I disagreed with someone, I didn’t attack people and I didn’t lie about people. I don’t have any burdens on my conscience.

To compare, people lied about me repeatedly, I was harassed by people both on and off of anon, and someone even started up a thread just to ask people if they had stories about me hurting people. And the same group of people who were responsible for that first round of harassment even went and found other abusive bullies on tumblr to try to sic on me.

If you want to let it lie, let it lie. Trying to @ me to teach me some sort of lesson about how I deserved to be harassed isn’t letting it lie, that’s picking a side and getting involved. You can just leave it at being a bystander.

5 months ago

@korrasera oh lord. the both of y’all were wrong when that stuff happened, and neither of you were going to admit it which is...

Honestly it’s all very well and good yelling at people to use shinigami but I’ve been on tumblr too long to trust a stranger’s judgement

especially since a lot of users marked green are still exclusionists in other areas. like they’re using the same rhetoric but because they’re not aiming it at trans people, they’re safe? i think the fuck not

This is a bad take.

First, Shinigami Eyes has a specific purpose and that is to allow us to crowdsource an indicator that someone might be prejudiced towards trans people. Yes, there’s plenty of overlap between exclusionists and TERFs and transphobes, but Shinigami Eyes is specifically there to help you spot TERFs and avoid platforming their messages. It’s not meant to track exclusionists just like it isn’t meant to track conservative Christians.

Second, when people promote the use of Shinigami Eyes they often do so while pointing out that it’s not a substitute for your own brain. It’s just an indicator that gives you a starting point and it’s still up to you to do the work of checking. I that myself specifically because I’ve seen other people do so. I think it’s a great way to encourage people to use tools like this responsibly.

Third, by encouraging a healthy use of the tool and the database that supports it, we can help people learn to check their data and correct mistakes. I’ve seen a few times now where someone has deleted, the username has been reclaimed, and the person who took the username found that they were flagged as anti-trans in Shinigami Eyes because of the original user. When that happens it’s very easy to double-check the claim and then go into the tool and flag the blog as neutral or friendly again.

Fourth, all this kind of post does is encourage people to distrust a tool that’s really useful for helping limit the spread of transmisogynistic and transphobic hate speech. So, that’s kinda not cool.

i’m aware of its purpose, my criticism of it was obviously not clear enough. while it’s useful, it unfortunately gives off a false sense of security when people correlate “not a terf” with “safe to reblog” which are not the same. i think marking terf urls as red is useful, but marking urls green as “safe” really isn’t.

No, I understood that, my point was that the thrust of this criticism isn’t a helpful way to address that problem, it just introduces uncertainty and concern with no benefit. Green isn’t safe, green is trans-friendly, as in a place where you can expect to not see people spreading transphobia or platforming transphobic content.And yes, there are exclusionists that are trans-friendly. Yeah, they’re a problem, but not one that can be addressed with this particular tool the way it has been designed. Maybe in the future, but right now it’s not designed to do that. And that’s also one of the reasons it’s easy to update the flagging in the tool so that you yourself can correct mistakes that you see.

Hello? Go the fuck away?

Also, @elisamaza, it does kinda undercut the message you were trying to spread to the world when it’s on a reblog of a post by someone who engages in abuse and encourages their followers to harass people, but that’s old news by now.

5 months ago

Honestly it’s all very well and good yelling at people to use shinigami but I’ve been on tumblr too long to trust a stranger’s...

Honestly it’s all very well and good yelling at people to use shinigami but I’ve been on tumblr too long to trust a stranger’s judgement

especially since a lot of users marked green are still exclusionists in other areas. like they’re using the same rhetoric but because they’re not aiming it at trans people, they’re safe? i think the fuck not

This is a bad take.

First, Shinigami Eyes has a specific purpose and that is to allow us to crowdsource an indicator that someone might be prejudiced towards trans people. Yes, there’s plenty of overlap between exclusionists and TERFs and transphobes, but Shinigami Eyes is specifically there to help you spot TERFs and avoid platforming their messages. It’s not meant to track exclusionists just like it isn’t meant to track conservative Christians.

Second, when people promote the use of Shinigami Eyes they often do so while pointing out that it’s not a substitute for your own brain. It’s just an indicator that gives you a starting point and it’s still up to you to do the work of checking. I that myself specifically because I’ve seen other people do so. I think it’s a great way to encourage people to use tools like this responsibly.

Third, by encouraging a healthy use of the tool and the database that supports it, we can help people learn to check their data and correct mistakes. I’ve seen a few times now where someone has deleted, the username has been reclaimed, and the person who took the username found that they were flagged as anti-trans in Shinigami Eyes because of the original user. When that happens it’s very easy to double-check the claim and then go into the tool and flag the blog as neutral or friendly again.

Fourth, all this kind of post does is encourage people to distrust a tool that’s really useful for helping limit the spread of transmisogynistic and transphobic hate speech. So, that’s kinda not cool.

i’m aware of its purpose, my criticism of it was obviously not clear enough. while it’s useful, it unfortunately gives off a false sense of security when people correlate “not a terf” with “safe to reblog” which are not the same. i think marking terf urls as red is useful, but marking urls green as “safe” really isn’t.

No, I understood that, my point was that the thrust of this criticism isn’t a helpful way to address that problem, it just introduces uncertainty and concern with no benefit. Green isn’t safe, green is trans-friendly, as in a place where you can expect to not see people spreading transphobia or platforming transphobic content.And yes, there are exclusionists that are trans-friendly. Yeah, they’re a problem, but not one that can be addressed with this particular tool the way it has been designed. Maybe in the future, but right now it’s not designed to do that. And that’s also one of the reasons it’s easy to update the flagging in the tool so that you yourself can correct mistakes that you see.

5 months ago

Honestly it’s all very well and good yelling at people to use shinigami but I’ve been on tumblr too long to trust a stranger’s...

Honestly it’s all very well and good yelling at people to use shinigami but I’ve been on tumblr too long to trust a stranger’s judgement

especially since a lot of users marked green are still exclusionists in other areas. like they’re using the same rhetoric but because they’re not aiming it at trans people, they’re safe? i think the fuck not

This is a bad take.

First, Shinigami Eyes has a specific purpose and that is to allow us to crowdsource an indicator that someone might be prejudiced towards trans people. Yes, there’s plenty of overlap between exclusionists and TERFs and transphobes, but Shinigami Eyes is specifically there to help you spot TERFs and avoid platforming their messages. It’s not meant to track exclusionists just like it isn’t meant to track conservative Christians.

Second, when people promote the use of Shinigami Eyes they often do so while pointing out that it’s not a substitute for your own brain. It’s just an indicator that gives you a starting point and it’s still up to you to do the work of checking. I that myself specifically because I’ve seen other people do so. I think it’s a great way to encourage people to use tools like this responsibly.

Third, by encouraging a healthy use of the tool and the database that supports it, we can help people learn to check their data and correct mistakes. I’ve seen a few times now where someone has deleted, the username has been reclaimed, and the person who took the username found that they were flagged as anti-trans in Shinigami Eyes because of the original user. When that happens it’s very easy to double-check the claim and then go into the tool and flag the blog as neutral or friendly again.

Fourth, all this kind of post does is encourage people to distrust a tool that’s really useful for helping limit the spread of transmisogynistic and transphobic hate speech. So, that’s kinda not cool.

5 months ago

Honestly it’s all very well and good yelling at people to use shinigami but I’ve been on tumblr too long to trust a stranger’s...

5 months ago

I always want to ask antis how old Harry Potter is. Is it "okay" to write smut of him? But he's eleven! Then, uh, no...? But...

5 months ago

Hello! I don't know if this is a topic you ever talked about or if you even want to, but if it's possible to hear your thoughts...

*URGENT: PLEASE READ/SIGNAL BOOST*

Monday, December 9th: Hello everyone, I’m Gemma! I’m so sorry to ask this again but, would anyone be able to help me get through December and Christmas-time.

As most of you are already aware, I have been struggling financially for quite some time due to my welfare benefits (U.C & Housing Benefit) being revoked, under the UK’s controversial changes to how benefits are assessed and assigned. And due to my mental health and some unfortunate DWP mess-ups, my benefits have been on and off sanctions for over a year now.

In an older post, I explained that I was waiting to receive the results of the medical assessment that I attended in late September through the DWP. I am hoping that the medical will fix my benefits and offer me more assistance as I am unable to work due to my persistent low mood and extreme fatigue, I am also trying to apply for PIP/ESA.

And so far, I’ve been managing to get by with help of some of the kindest people in the world, but as it’s now winter, I’m struggling to get through the festive period and I’m not due to receive a partial-benefit payment of £128 until the New Year and I desperately need help to get through until then.

And as many of you know, I don’t have anyone, no family or friends to turn to for help. So I really am in desperate need, I have also created a wishlist with some items to help me survive the cold and a few Christmas gift wishes. But no biggie if you don’t want to, its just a wishlist!!  I’ve also created a goal on Ko-Fi to help me.

If anyone could spare any amount to help me, even if it’s just £1/$1/€1, it would literally save my life, and sharing definitely helps just as much as donations. Nobody is obligated in any way to donate or buy anything off my wishlist if they can’t or don’t want to, I know we’re all struggling.

Thank you for your help 💖

£20/£500!!

PayPal • Ko-Fi - 7% complete•

•Winter Wishlist

@thebibliosphere: Could you please help boost this for me, Joy?!💖

Please consider helping out guys if you possibly can. If anyone can spare anything at all to help, even if it’s just a £1/$1 or a reblog, it would mean so, so much to me.

It would also be wonderful if anyone could help me get through winter/Christmas, by checking out my Wishlist or by giving it a wee share for me. Thank you 💖

£35/£500 • Ko-Fi Goal - 12%

5 months ago

debt & winter help urgently needed!!

One thing I learned when taking a conflict resolution course was to avoid escalating the conflict if at all possible. Even if you’re not the person who escalates first, it’s easy to feed the cycle just by participating in the conflict, exacerbating it.

And it’s decent advice. Sometimes you really should just walk away from the discussion, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable to do so. In some conversations, there’s no good result to be found from staying engaged. Your opponent is just going to keep getting worse as long as you’re there.

Aaaaand…I don’t do that. While I do work to avoid being the person that escalates the conflict, I don’t walk away. And lately I’ve been thinking about why.

Long story short, it’s because I can’t stand bullies or abusers.

I’ve had the misfortune to interact with both in my time here on tumblr and my attitude is that they deserve to be opposed. If they’re going to get their little power trip by treating other people like shit, someone should point out their behavior and make sure everyone knows that it’s terrible.

I don’t think walking away solves anything when dealing with people like that. Not when you’ve got people who encourage their followers to harass. Not when you’ve got people who will lie about people in order to try to make themselves look good.

It’s a time when yeah, maybe the conflict does need to get worse before it gets better. Because sometimes the only thing a bully will respond to is having to be held accountable for their actions, even if being held accountable looks like them screaming their anger into the screen because you won’t let them pretend they’re a good person.

5 months ago

Escalation and Opposition

Friendly reminder that the reason you feel so much better is because of your meds, don’t stop taking them unless you talk to your doctor first, you really do need them, I promise. 

Hahahahahaha! Oh that’s funny. Let me tell you something:

I used to be put on tons of meds because of my autism/anxiety/etc. because my family thought it would be easier to dope me up rather than actually help me with my struggles. What it did was give me brain fog, make me weak, drosy, slow-witted and made me feel like crap. I stopped taking them in secret, and all that went away. I could think clearly, previously I literally couldn’t think clearly enough to even read for more than a few moments.

That is really clearly not what is meant by the original post.

Your meds were not making you feel better.

It is really east for people taking things like depression meds to start feeling much better, because their body is finally getting the nuerotransmitters it needs, and then because we’re taught to take medicine until we get better, to stop. This is common in other forms of mental illness as well.

What your family did to you is shitty, but we get nowhere by being ant-meds as a broad statement.

Not everyone needs them, but some people really really do.

Am I being any less broad than the OP was? Who seems to think that blindly taking your meds is a good thing?

Hey friend, you’re not understanding this post at all and seriously projecting an opinion onto this post that doesn’t exist. You’re the only person on this post who failed to reblog this version, so consider reading that before you start imposing this revisionist projection. This is especially cruel from you considering I’m autistic and acutely aware of what over medication looks like. 

Then why would you make a post telling people to take meds without question, knowing how often Autistics are forced to take meds to keep us silenced and too doped up to do anything. Same thing for ADHD.

Heh. So. I gotta say I thought this was about antibiotics.

I know a lot of people will take half the doses and stop because they feel better, but this just creates antibiotic resistant bacteria.

That’s my personal experience bias. I grew up with an immune compromised sibling so staying infection free was super important. That’s where my first thoughts jumped to.

If I’d experienced forced overmedication, that would have been my thought association.

Thats how it is for me, I was put on meds because of my “spazzyness” (read: stimming and info-dumping) so meds are kinda a sore spot for me.

I have nothing against meds that are actually needed (and the person wants them), I just don’t agree with medicating people against their will. Especially children.

Things this post talks about explicitly:

Talks about talking to doctor before going off meds that are making you feel better 

Weigh the pros and cons of being on medication It’s okay to be on medication if it makes you feel better  It’s your choice, literally stated in my second post, is your choice to be on and off

What this post never talked about and you are actually fucking awful for implying that that’s what this post is about: 

Taking medication even if you don’t want to be on it because it’s making you feel worse Taking more medication than you need/over medication which results in you not feeling well Taking medication even if you hate it  “Take medication blindly, especially medicate autistic children, especially people with blogs titled awesomelyautistic, over medicate them for having symptoms of autism” 

No where on this fucking post–EXCEPT FOR YOU–does it say OR EVEN IMPLY that you should medicate OTHER PEOPLE against their will.

I know you think you’ve got some genius take about this post, but me and 56 thousand other people realized that this post is about feeling better and not feeling shame for needing medication to be there. 

Shut the fuck up honestly, you are wildly out of fucking line. Go the fuck away!

I was going to throw you a counterpoint, you know have smart discourse, but if you are just going to start swearing then I have decided you are not worth the time or effort. I will argue against drugging Autistics elsewhere.

I’m going to point you at my original reply and then your response claiming that i endorse over medicating autistics? If you want a  respectful conversation, enter the goddamn conversation with respect.

“but if you are just going to start swearing then I have decided you are not worth the time or effort”

For the record, this is a textbook example of someone trying to one-up someone as they exit an argument that they’ve lost.

If it sounds like tone policing, good guess, because that’s what it is! When someone’s argument comes down to saying ‘well, if you can’t say it nicely’ that usually indicates that they don’t have any ammo left with which to fight. It’s an indication that the person making the statement cannot defend their argument and is trying to avoid looking weak.

I think it’s also useful to note that a lot of these kinds of behaviors are about saving face. Even when the argument isn’t acrimonious, argument can still be emotionally challenging. When people want to quit talking about something but feel like they’ve been made to look weak or foolish, they want to save face while they end the conversation. The thing is, you can save face by acting nobly and quitting the field in a respectable fashion, or you can try to save face by being an asshole and trying to one-up the person you’re talking to.

In this case, @awesomlyautistic tried to derail this thread to talk about a completely different topic, trying to treat @legsdemandias like shit while doing so. When a lot of other people pointed out that this was bad behavior and asked awesomlyautistic to lay off, including legsdemandias saying so directly, eventually asking awesomlyautistic to stop commenting on the issue, awesomlyautistic decided to nope out of the thread by once again trying to treat legsdemandias like shit.

I’m not sure what the takeaway is here, because I don’t think I should have to tell people to not treat other people like shit? But I guess that’s what I’m saying.

Don’t treat people like shit.When you screw up and offend people, stop and evaluate.When you’ve stopped to evaluate, apologize and quit the field.And again, don’t treat people like shit. Not in the first place, not in the second place, and not as a parting shot as you’re exiting the discussion.

At least awesomlyautistic wasn’t trying to be a bully, but aiming to be an asshole isn’t much better.

5 months ago

Friendly reminder that the reason you feel so much better is because of your meds, don’t stop taking them unless you talk to...

*URGENT: PLEASE READ/SIGNAL BOOST*

Friday, December 6th: Hello everyone, I’m Gemma! I’m so sorry to ask this again but, would anyone be able to help me get through December and Christmas-time.

As most of you are already aware, I have been struggling financially for quite some time due to my welfare benefits (U.C & Housing Benefit) being revoked, under the UK’s controversial changes to how benefits are assessed and assigned. And due to my mental health and some unfortunate DWP mess-ups, my benefits have been on and off sanctions for over a year now.

In an older post, I explained that I was waiting to receive the results of the medical assessment that I attended in late September through the DWP. I am hoping that the medical will fix my benefits and offer me more assistance as I am unable to work due to my persistent low mood and extreme fatigue, I am also trying to apply for PIP/ESA.

And so far, I’ve been managing to get by with help of some of the kindest people in the world, but as it’s now winter where I live, I’m struggling to get through the festive period and I’m not due to receive a partial-benefit payment of £128 until the New Year and I desperately need help to get through until then.

And as many of you know, I don’t have anyone, no family or friends to turn to for help. So I really am in desperate need, I have also created a wishlist with some items to help me survive the cold and a few Christmas gift wishes. But no biggie if you don’t want to, its just a wishlist!!  I’ve also created a goal on Ko-Fi to help me.

If anyone could spare any amount to help me, even if it’s just £1/$1/€1, it would literally save my life, and sharing definitely helps just as much as donations. Nobody is obligated in any way to donate or buy anything off my wishlist if they can’t or don’t want to, I know we’re all struggling.

Thank you for your help 💖

PayPal • Ko-Fi - 4% complete•

•Winter Wishlist

5 months ago

please help if you can!!

Omg, so I'm away at a teaching conference this week, and one of the other women on this trip has the most USELESS husband, and she keeps telling us shit like its a funny joke and I'm just??????

Yall have TWO children, ages 4 and 2, and this grown ass father has called and asked 1. What to feed the kids 2. What they should wear to school. 3. What time to take them to school. HIS mother has had come to help take care of the kids because he can't handle it for the 3 nights we are gone.

YOU ARE THEIR DAD. How can you not figure out what to feed YOUR children on your own? You aren't a babysitter. You're their parent?!?!

Men, guys, bros, fellas, if yall have kids PLEASE learn how to actually take care of them because this shit is embarrassing.

This shit all sounds like the type of thing you can google??????

Not to mention like....you can ASK a 4 year old "hey, what do you want for dinner?" The answer is probably like...chicken nuggets or peanut butter sandwiches and yeah, probably not great to let your kid live off that long term, but if you're just trying to keep the kids alive for 3 days, go with that instead of bugging your wife who is hundreds of miles away on a work trip.

It's just lazy helplessness. And I know my coworker wants me to like...laugh when she tells us this and I'm just like "...why does your husband not know how to take care of his kids????????"

Because he could do it as he sees fit. Give them skittles and pop corn. Problem is she might like it. He asks as to confirm, not out incompetence, but out of a desire to know how she would wsnt things done.

Honedtly you might just be reading into something that isnt there.

I hate to agree with feminists here, but I think they’re right. Fathers should know how to properly raise their own children. Knowing how to prepare basic meals, what time to drop the kids off at school, what time to pick them up, and what clothes they should be wearing is pretty basic stuff.

Gross incompetence when it comes to fathering children isn’t cute. It’s sad, pathetic, and it plays into the stereotypes that fathers can’t raise children properly which is at the heart of a lot of the problems men face when it comes to always losing custody of their kids during a divorce and basically being viewed as wallets with legs.

While I agree. My point is that shes reading into a situation she frankly knows nothing about. He might not know because hes working the entire time before and after they go to school.

Hes not involved with those things because hes spending all his time working to pay for those things.

And she doesnt even consider the possibility she just go with, "he is useless".

Y’all, it’s @fandomsandfeminism​, they literally don’t care about people unless it somehow furthers their agenda.

My dad had to work 16 hour days to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table. My dad has literally had two fingers cut off - at the same time! - because he was working overtime to buy me birthday presents. My dad would drive two hours to work, work 16 hour days, and drive two hours back. That right there is already 20 hours, and yet he still some fucking how still was able to make a small bit of time for his children.

And I tell you fucking what, I can almost guarantee he wouldn’t have had any actual idea on what to have fed us, what time school was, and what to dress us in. So, tell me, FaF, was my father a bad father? Did my dad, who has sacrificed his body to made sure I had anything I could have ever needed, a bad father? Knowing you, you’ll either not answer or just deflect everything because you’re a coward, a liar, and a victim card player.

Fuck you. You don’t know shit about this man. All you know is he has a penis and he called his wife with questions. This is why I’m feminism is dangerous - they require you to sign away your fucking ability to critically think on enlistment.

Modern feminism is just sexism, with a lot more crying.

You know this woman also has a full time job, right? A full time job that she is literally at a work conference for.

Perhaps, PERHAPS, both parents, who both work full time jobs, should know how to feed and clothe their children.

Is that too big an ask? Is it unreasonable to expect fathers to know how to feed and clothe their children?

Yall are hilariously vicious, going straight to the ad hominems against me, because....I think fathers should know how to feed their own kids? Pfffft.

And, as expected, you completely deflected from anything I said. As expected, you are incapable of any fairness or ... well, anything decent.

Do I think the father should probably know a bit more about child care? Yes, yes I do. However, I don’t KNOW anything about either of them. Judging by YOUR requirements, my father would be a terrible fucking father. For all you know, this man could actually be a really good father and a great man. But because you have a vagina, you think it gives you the right to judge every man.

The only one vicious here is you.

I don't think I can judge every man because I have a vagina.

I think both parents should know how to feed their children.

There are some good examples of really bad arguments in this thread that I’d like to highlight, so I’m going to do that under the cut. Apologies on not being able to make this very short.

Weiterlesen

5 months ago

Omg, so I'm away at a teaching conference this week, and one of the other women on this trip has the most USELESS husband, and...

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But that IS how life works in a lot of countries…

5 months ago

But that IS how life works in a lot of countries…

do you ever think about how the series of events that lead to Dumbledore’s death in HBP was literally set into motion by Oliver Wood’s passion for Quidditch

okay but literally I can’t stop thinking about this -

it is of course possible that Draco would have gotten the Death Eaters into the school some other way if the Vanishing Cabinet hadn’t created the perfect opportunity, but it wasn’t looking likely.

so like, it’s reasonable enough to assume that Dumbledore’s death (at the hands of Snape specifically, obviously I know he was going to die soon enough from the curse, but the timing does make a difference so I’m still focused on this) occurred because of the Death Eaters getting into the school. the reason the Death Eaters were able to get into the school was because of the Vanishing Cabinet in the Room of Requirement, which Draco repaired.

the Vanishing Cabinet ended up in the Room of Requirement over the summer of 1996, presumably (reasoning for this is in the next paragraph), and Draco discovered it there sometime in his 6th year. but the only reason he had even known what it was, and what it could do, was because he had spoken with….

Graham Montague, a Slytherin who was in 7th year in 1995-1996 (when Harry & co were in 5th year). Montague was shoved into the Vanishing Cabinet in that year by Fred and George Weasley, because he was a part of the Inquisitorial Squad and was presumably about to take points from the Weasley twins for doing something disruptive. and we know that Montague got stuck in a limbo between the two connected cabinets, due to one of them being broken - he could hear things being discussed in Borgin & Burkes, which is how he was able to let Malfoy know that the other “end of the tunnel”, or basically the other cabinet, was in Borgin & Burkes (which, Draco would already have seen as a 12-year-old, in the summer before his 2nd year, when he visited the shop with his father - fun fact, Harry hid in that exact cabinet while Lucius Malfoy was transacting with Borgin).

Montague would never have had this experience at all if the cabinet hadn’t been broken in the first place. but in fact, we know exactly how, when, why, and by whom the cabinet was broken.

it was in the fall of 1992, when Nearly Headless Nick observed that Harry had gotten in trouble with Filch, and prompted Peeves to drop that very same cabinet from a large height in order to cause a distraction for Filch, allowing Harry to get out of trouble.

why was Harry in trouble in the first place? because he was “tracking mud” in the corridors.

why was he tracking mud in the corridors? because Oliver Wood had had him out on the Quidditch pitch all day even though it had been literally storming outside. so Harry came into the castle drenched and splattered with mud.

Dumbledore literally died because of how obsessed Oliver Wood was with winning the Quidditch Cup.

thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

sorry, one more thing - people keep reblogging this with tags that imply they think that this is like a “headcanon” or just “plausible” and while I get why you would think that, I need you to really understand how canonical this is because it’s Very canonical which is Ridiculous

to clarify:

the bits about the Vanishing Cabinet being the only real way he had to get the Death Eaters in, having heard about it from Montague and how that made him realize he could use them as a passage, etc - that was all clearly laid out in HBP, chapter 27 (The Lightning-Struck Tower).

Montague being shoved into the cabinet takes place in OOTP, chapter 28 (Snape’s Worst Memory).

Draco seeing the cabinet and Harry being in the cabinet is all in CoS, chapter 4 (At Flourish and Blotts).

and the entire situation with the Quidditch practice and the mud and Harry getting in trouble and Nick getting Peeves to drop the cabinet is in CoS, chapter 8 (The Deathday Party).

it’s the lined-up-dominoes meme, and it’s ridiculous. and it’s all on the page.

It’s better than that.

Voldemort died because Harry was the master of the Elder Wand that Voldemort was trying to use.

Why was Harry the master? Because he overpowered its previous master, Draco, and won its allegiance.

Why was Draco master of the Elder Wand? Because he disarmed Dumbledore in the precise sequence being discussed, which relied on the vanishing cabinet.

Harry defeated Voldemort because of Oliver Wood’s passion for quidditch.

Technically, Draco lead to Dumbledores death twice. Both by getting the death eaters into the castle but also because if it weren’t for him stealing Neville’s rememberall, Harry wouldnt have ended up on the team at all, and consequentially, getting mud through the corridors

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this is exactly the kind of hyper specific meme that I am here for!!!!

… Neville, of course, had a Remembrall in the first place because of having a chaotic childhood and family and possibly childhood trauma because of what was done to his parents

Deatheaters tortured Neville’s parents out of fanatism for Voldemort

so basically, Voldemort caused his own death

karma’s a bitch (and also Oliver Wood’s passion for Quidditch)

This was a wild ride O.O

I love this, it sounds ridiculous… but it’s right….

The ridiculous sport of Quidditch is responsible for the death of the most infamous dark wizard of the Wizarding World ._.

One small correction.

This isn’t a Ted Talk, it’s an episode of Connections. I mean, it’s like literally the format of Connections, the old James Burke show.

5 months ago

do you ever think about how the series of events that lead to Dumbledore’s death in HBP was literally set into motion by Oliver...

*URGENT: PLEASE READ/SIGNAL BOOST*

Tuesday, December 3rd: Hello everyone, I’m Gemma! I’ve had to remake this post, as things have gotten a lot more complicated, and I’m still in desperate need of help to get through December and Christmas-time.

As most of you are already aware, I have been struggling financially for quite some time due to my welfare benefits (U.C & Housing Benefit) being revoked, under the UK’s controversial changes to how benefits are assessed and assigned. And due to my mental health and some unfortunate DWP mess-ups, my benefits have been on and off sanctions for over a year now.

And in an older post, I explained that I was waiting to receive the results of the medical assessment that I attended in late September through the DWP. I am hoping that the medical will fix my benefits and offer me more assistance as I am unable to work due to my persistent low mood and extreme fatigue, I am also trying to apply for PIP/ESA.

So I’m usually behind in bills and rent, and by behind, I mean drowning in red notices as I only get £128 per/month which isn’t enough to get me through the festive period. *I can provide evidence of this*

Thankfully, I’ve managed to pay off last months bills and now I just need to worry about December’s rent payment which is £458, and with the small amount of welfare I get, it looks like I’m still going to need help with that too, more bills are due to be paid at the end of the month/Christmas time. I haven’t even been able to go grocery shopping to get food in for December.

I need a minimum of (£658), rent £458 + £200 groceries/utilities, but even a little more would help me get more food and pay off more bills through Christmas and New Year, so ideally I need £950 to cover me until January.

And as many of you know, I don’t have anyone, no family or friends to turn to for help. So I really am in desperate need of help, I have also created a wishlist with some items to help me survive the cold and a few Christmas gift wishes. But no biggie if you don’t want to, its just a wishlist!!  I’ve also created a goal on Ko-Fi to help me.

If anyone could spare any amount to help me, even if it’s just £1/$1/€1, it would literally save my life, and sharing definitely helps just as much as donations. Nobody is obligated in any way to donate or buy anything off my wishlist if they can’t or don’t want to, I know we’re all struggling.

Thank you for your help 💖

£25/£658!! (rent + bills over Christmas!)

PayPal • Ko-Fi •

•Winter Wishlist

Please consider helping out guys if you possibly can. If anyone can spare anything at all to help, even if it’s just a £1/$1 or a reblog, it would mean so, so much to me.

£36/£658!!

5 months ago

rent & winter help urgently needed!!

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Not my posts but an interesting thought.
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5 months ago

Not my posts but an interesting thought.

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What’s encrypting your internet surfing? An algorithm created by a supercomputer? Well, if the site you’re visiting is encrypted...

5 months ago

What’s encrypting your internet surfing? An algorithm created by a supercomputer? Well, if the site you’re visiting is encrypted...

I hate how call out culture has taught kids that making mistakes is not part of life and the process of learning and growing, but something that stains you and means you deserve to be shunned.

I’m far from a kid so I have learned to remove people from my internet circle that have this merciless attitude towards existence.

I have made many mistakes in my life. I will make more. I have said stupid things, hurtful things, insensitive things. Growing means I’m not the same person now as when I was 18 or 22 or 25 and that’s NATURAL. I acknowledge the shit I did, feel shame and eventually I’ll move on.

If we refuse to let go of a version of a person that doesn’t exist anymore we trap them in the past. We force them to become that thing that we hate, despite their efforts to evolve. That is cruel and it’s counterproductive.

If you show people that they will always be hostage to those moments where they failed, you are telling everyone that change is pointless. If you want people to change you have to allow them an avenue to do so.

My firm believe is that it’s all about context - How heinous is the thing? How recent is the thing? What steps have they taken to apologize for the thing, stop doing the thing, rectify the thing and distance themselves from the thing, etc.?

As noted, there absolutely has to be room for growth and betterment, and with that, forgiveness and acknowledgement that people do dumb and/or shitty things when they’re young and don’t know better, or come from environments that have not properly exposed them to other perspectives, etc. But there’s a vast gulf of difference between something that was done ages ago in genuine ignorance and things that are currently being done, especially once the badness has been clearly articulated and clearly been requested to stop with good explanations as to why it should. If someone doesn’t immediately apologize and put a stop to that, it goes from uninformed ignorance to willful assholery/malice. Especially if they’re doubling down on the “No, fuck you!” elements of it, and start blaming over-sensitivity and “cancel culture” for their bad reputation.

As pointed out by the post above, there are absolutely very real problems with over-zealousness when it comes to purity culture and a lack of forgiveness or allowance for maturation and realization. But assholes will use that as a shield from well-deserved consequences. The trick is recognizing the differences between situations and treating them appropriately differently - Consequences will happen, but they should be limited in scope to when they are appropriate, not left to hang over the person’s head for the rest of their life - Unless that, in fact, IS the appropriate time for those consequences to remain, which should only be the case in the most dire of circumstances, or situations where the person continually fails to recognize their mistakes and keeps making them.

It’s something I think of as a slalom.

On the one hand, call outs are destructive and I believe that makes them a bad idea. My attitude is that you don’t call people out unless you’re concerned that there’s an actual danger, and make the call out because you need to warn people. If your call out is about attacking someone’s reputation or trying to make them look bad, then it’s bullshit and you shouldn’t do it.

But on the other hand, assholes *will* use the discussion of call out culture and cancel culture as a way to avoid any kind of consequences by dismissing any and all criticism as a call out.

The trick to recognizing an asshole using this discussion as a defense is that they’re never pointing to actual call outs. When they respond to something, they’re responding to any criticism they receive in order to paint it as a call out, specifically to try to get people to say, “Boo, call out culture is bad!” If there’s no call out, then it’s not really talking about call out culture.

Also?

Asking someone to apologize for having done something shitty immediately after it happens? Not a call out.Correcting someone who said something ignorant or bigoted by pointing out that what they said was ignorant and bigoted and is incorrect? Not a call out.Telling someone that you don’t agree with their attitude because you believe that they’re in the wrong? Not a call out.Challenging someone’s position by offering a counter-argument and breaking down their argument? Not a call out.

My strategy?

Call outs are bad, don’t make them unless you are warning people of a direct danger. Harassers, abusers, predators, etc.If someone says they’re being attacked with call outs, look and see if they’re actually being called out. If they aren’t being called out, they might just be trying to dodge blame.Don’t engage with the person, engage with the topic. Breaking down a bigoted argument so bystanders can learn something about why bigotry is a bad thing is far more useful.

5 months ago

I hate how call out culture has taught kids that making mistakes is not part of life and the process of learning and growing,...

Watchmen just turned Hooded Justice and by extension the origin point of the entire Watchmen universe into a black queer man whose vigilantism was an expression of black rage against unchallenged white supremacy that was then whitewashed by history and turned into another outlet for white power just like Bass Reeves was turned into the Lone Ranger the quintessential white man hero and the metaphor in him having an affair with a white man who gaslights and ignores him just like how the police force made up of white dudes he became a part of gaslights and ignores him and the parallels to Angela’s costume in the present with how she covers her eyes black while Will has to cover his white and the fucking CINEMATOGRAPHYY I MEAN

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Also the level of foreshadowing of this plot development as well that shows that all along they were setting up this idea before the show introduced it like the opening episode had a movie playing about Bass Reeves, Angela’s costume has an obvious connection to Hooded Justice’s costume in terms of design you can tell that the writers have really planned this show out with the same level of detail as Moore put into the comic and honestly I think this series is not only a worthy sequel to Watchmen but a sequel that has pulled off a Godfather II or Empire Strikes Back and is actually better than the first story

^^ all of this.

Damon Lindelof simply wrote something way better than Alan Moore did.

is that the head writer of the Watchmen tv show? :)

The showrunner, yes. I believe his title would be Executive Producer but I think he gets the majority of script credits (screenplay credits are at least as weird as author credits on scholarly articles but for entirely different reasons).

I haven't seen any of it yet because I can't yet justify an HBO subscription but what I've read of it is AMAZING.

It is amazing but it’s also nerve-wracking wondering if they’re going to engage with the topic of racism poorly. But that last episode, where they reveal the twist and really emphasize that the enemy is white supremacy? Wow.

Not gonna lie, I wish they had more people of color in the writer’s room, but I feel like they honestly produced something good here.

6 months ago

Watchmen just turned Hooded Justice and by extension the origin point of the entire Watchmen universe into a black queer man...

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Just something I really want to share on here because it’s important.

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6 months ago

Just something I really want to share on here because it’s important.

Debt & winter help urgently needed!!

*URGENT: PLEASE READ/SIGNAL BOOST*

Sunday, November 24th: Hello everyone, I’m Gemma! I’ve had to remake this post, due to things getting a lot more complicated, and I still desperately need help with my rent and bills.

As most of you are already aware, I have been struggling financially for quite some time due to my welfare benefits (U.C & Housing Benefit) being revoked, under the UK’s controversial changes to how benefits are assessed and assigned. And due to my mental health and some unfortunate DWP mess-ups, my benefits have been on and off sanctions for over a year now.

And in my previous post, I explained that I was waiting to receive the results of the medical assessment that I attended in late September through the DWP. I am hoping that the medical will fix my benefits and offer me more assistance as I am unable to work due to my persistent low mood and extreme fatigue, so I’m usually behind in bills and rent, and by behind, I mean drowning in red notices as I only get £128 per/month which isn’t enough to get me through the festive period. *I can provide evidence of this*

On top of that, I still need help with my rent and some overdue bills, more bills are due to be paid at the end of the month too. I now need a minimum of (£887), rent £687 (1 month + 2 weeks rent) + groceries/bills (gas/electric utilities) but even a little more would help me through Christmas and New Year.

And as many of you know, I don’t have anyone, no family or friends to turn to for help. So it would really mean a lot to me if anyone could help, I have also created a wishlist with some items to help me survive the cold and a few Christmas gift wishes. But no biggie if you don’t want to, its just a wishlist!!

If anyone could spare any amount to help me, even if it’s just £1/$1/€1, it would literally save my life, and sharing definitely helps just as much as donations. Nobody is obligated in any way to donate or buy anything off my wishlist if they can’t or don’t want to, I know we’re all struggling.

Thank you for your help 💖

£5/£887!! (goal for the holidays!)

PayPal • Ko-Fi •

•Winter Wishlist

Please consider helping out guys if you possibly can. If anyone can spare anything at all to help, even if it’s just a £1/$1 or a reblog, it would mean so, so much to me.

£260/£887!!

6 months ago

Debt & winter help urgently needed!!

It’s a done deal and the word’s definition is eventually going to be acknowledged as including this, but gaslighting does not refer to any attempt someone makes to convince you of something that’s actually harmful.

The original use of the term was to refer to a specific kind of abuse in which someone attempts to undermine their victim’s sense of what is real.

In the play that gave us the term, the husband is trying to abuse his wife into going crazy and the way he does this is to slowly and very gradually lower the level of the gaslight in the house, while insisting that it remains at the same intensity.

It doesn’t actually refer to someone giving you bad advice, like suggesting that you should spank your children, or being an asshole, like telling you that you’re a freak and you shouldn’t be writing fanfic because it’ll re-traumatize you. That’s just people being assholes and trying to aggressively convince you of their beliefs.

Make no mistake, abuse comes in plenty of forms and people who go around calling other people freaks are being abusive, but it’s useful to know the way this term has drifted.

As a side-note, sometimes you can spot someone being shitty, writing a call out or whatever, by paying attention to the way they use language like this. If they’re invoking terms like gaslighting as though it’s some magic ‘get out of argument free’ card, you might not be looking at someone who has a reasoned and ethical position. You might just be looking at someone with an axe to grind.

6 months ago

Gaslighting

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So I saw this bullshit when I was on a TERF-blocking spree...

Half your TERF bullshit that people accidentally reblog is couched in dogwhistles which sound reasonable until I realize y'all are defining people's lives and axes of oppression by their genitals, reducing me to whether I've got a vagina or not. You know, like misogynistic assholes do. The other half makes sense until I realize that y'all have a fourth grade understanding of biology and think that humans only have XX and XY rather than six karotypes with varying phenotypes. Context matters, you umbrella made of dried seaweed.

Honestly, I just saw a post claiming that it's "rape by deception" not to tell someone you're trans before you kiss them. This is literally exactly the same rhetoric that had a lesbian punching me in the 90s for not disclosing I'm bi the second she started hitting on me, because I somehow deceived her.

TERFs are fucking exhausting.

OP might agree with a nazi post if it said, “America needs to protect vulnerable communities from crime and violence” because it didn’t say, “vulnerable communities = white communities, and all the crime and violence that we care about is committed by people of color or immigrants or both.” 

OP might agree with a pedophile who posted, “Children are not property, and adults need to respect their opinions!” Sound fine, until you notice they mean, “Respecting their opinions means letting them make all decisions as if they were adults.” 

And the rest of us might reblog TERF rhetoric that said, “Women need to stand in solidarity against men trying to shut down their communities” until we realize that they’re defining “women” and “men” according to their own dogma, and not by biology or the law.

Dog whistles get shared because they leave out the half of the statement that clarifies their meanings. Anyone can get caught by those - they’re designed to be deceptive, to encourage support from people who don’t know the rest of the meanings intended by the words. 

I repeat myself, but what was really helpful for me in preventing this to happen and accidentally reblogging seemingly harmless TERF dogwhistles was a browser extension that colorizes TERFs usernames red, named Shinigami Eyes.

This is a really good point, that’s why extensions like Shinigami Eyes exist in the first place.

That said, I really encourage people to use it as a tool to supplement their own awareness. It can give you an idea that someone might be promoting something TERFy, but you should still learn how to recognize those signs yourself.

As an example, I haven’t yet seen a case where Shinigami Eyes was used to paint someone as being anti-trans when they weren’t, but sometimes URLs get abandoned and then picked up by other people, which means there are blogs that have ‘inherited’ an anti-trans badge from whoever had that URL before them.

So yeah, use it, especially to learn, but remember that it’s a tool. Not a gospel.

6 months ago

So I saw this bullshit when I was on a TERF-blocking spree... Half your TERF bullshit that people accidentally reblog is couched...

6 months ago

It seems to me that a lot of the people who try to argue "queer is a slur" while denying or simply being ignorant of its TERF...

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It’s because it makes their world make sense. And if their world makes sense, it’s a little easier to feel safe in that world.

6 months ago

It’s because it makes their world make sense. And if their world makes sense, it’s a little easier to feel safe in that world.

me a year ago when “queer is a slur” discourse started going around: “oh well I guess I can understand why that could hurt maybe some people of older generations who were called queer as an insult guess I’ll just tag it”

me after seeing how “queer is a slur” discourse is just being used by terfs and exclusionists to push ace, bi, trans, and anyone who doesn’t fit into the narrow “lgbt” label from the community: “Queer community, queer rights, queer identities, I’m QUEER, respect our history and fuck you.”

ngl this is so disrespectful to people who are highly uncomfortable with/are triggered by the q slur because, spoiler alert, it can be a slur!!! some people still hear that as a bad word thrown at them for being gay/bi/trans/etc.!!! it’s not that fucking hard to say lgbt instead of that!!!

people who say that it’s a slur are just reminding people that hey, you can use that word for yourself if you like it and it fits you. that’s fine, power to you! but stop using it as a general word for the lgbt community when many people in the community don’t want that label thrown on them.

just because there are some horrible people use it w their violent rhetoric and ideas, doesn’t mean you have to disregard/disrespect the people who validly don’t want to be called that or have that used as a blanket term for a community they are a part of.

(yes i’m anti-terf so don’t even try to accuse me of that shit, all terfs can fuck off)

If you’re anti-terf stop licking their boots.

Gay and Lesbian were used more as derogatory terms in my area then shit like the f-slur, is it fair to say those terms shouldn’t be used? No it isn’t.

Queer was reclaimed decades ago, sure that doesn’t mean bigots won’t use it, but it’s still our right to use it. It’s in the damn Pride chant for a reason.

Because I’m on a roll tonight, let’s look at the problem with what @artwlw said above.

To preface this, I’m going to assume that artwlw is being completely honest  and is acting in good faith. That means I don’t think this is trolling or intentionally shitty behavior.

The problem is, that means it’s unintentionally shitty behavior, because it means artwlw is repeating blatant misinformation cultivated by TERFs and other queerphobes who are trying to encourage bigotry against queer people.

So, that’s point #1. Telling anyone that you’re anti-TERF means less than nothing if you go around repeating what TERFs say.Queer is not a slur. So many terms in our community have been used as a slur against us and queer people paid for the ability to call ourselves queer with a lot of blood. If you want to say that people can’t use queer to identify themselves because it’s a slur, you need to make the same argument for gay and lesbian.Queer people calling themselves queer is not an attack on people who don’t want to use the word. Queer people calling themselves queer doesn’t force other people to use the world themselves. And queer people calling themselves queer asking for you to not describe us as slurs? Is especially not harming anyone.

Add all of these together and you get a fairly basic picture.

It’s clearly not about protecting anyone. No one is forcing people to use the word queer and the people doing the policing aren’t interested in talking about any other words. They only care about it when queer people talk about how much we like being queer.

As has been pointed out elsewhere, this narrative comes straight from TERFs and other queerphobes. It’s just bigotry. People are being taught to hate queer people and us as inherently wrong, and despite being part of the LGBTQ+ community themselves, people like artwlw go right along with it.

Contrary to her point, what artwlw said above is a really bad take because everything she’s saying is disrespectful and bigoted against queer people, and does nothing to protect anyone from anything.

So yeah, it makes sense that some of us are a little angry about that.

6 months ago

me a year ago when “queer is a slur” discourse started going around: “oh well I guess I can understand why that could hurt maybe...

me a year ago when “queer is a slur” discourse started going around: “oh well I guess I can understand why that could hurt maybe some people of older generations who were called queer as an insult guess I’ll just tag it”

me after seeing how “queer is a slur” discourse is just being used by terfs and exclusionists to push ace, bi, trans, and anyone who doesn’t fit into the narrow “lgbt” label from the community: “Queer community, queer rights, queer identities, I’m QUEER, respect our history and fuck you.”

1) OP clearly hasn’t been called queer as a derogatory term by even close family members 2) bi and trans are ALREADY within the “narrow lgBT label”.

in short, really bad take, dont reclaim slurs for other people

You know what I heard and had used at me as a derogatory term? It wasn’t Queer, it wasnt f**. It was Gay. Guess we shouldn’t use that either, or lesbian for that matter.

We’re here, we’re queer, get used to it.

Cool! So glad you didn’t go through that! So glad you were sheltered from being called Queer and Fag and all those nasty terms! Absolutely lucky you didn’t go through that when I was called that WEEKLY at my JOB by CUSTOMERS! So glad that the universe is centered on you and your experiences! I guess being called “queer” as an insult never happened because you never experienced it!

I’m being sarcastic, in case you couldn’t tell with your inability to think critically or empathically. Don’t call again.

The problem with what @pansexualkiba is saying here is actually exactly what pansexualkiba is complaining about, although I’m sympathetic to the fact that this must be a difficult topic for them.

Namely: Trying to argue that no one else should be able to call themselves queer because you’ve been called queer as a slur? That’s centering the universe on yourself.

There’s no one forcing anyone to call themselves queer. People who feel like it fits, people who like it, those people are free to call themselves queer. Just like we call ourselves gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, asexual…you get the idea. If it works for you, feel free to use it. That’s the whole point behind being proud to be queer and reclaiming the term.

All you’ve got are a lot of queer people who are facing constant attacks from other people in the LGBTQ+ community who feel the need to police us and tell us that we can’t identify as queer.

And speaking to those of you trying to police us right now?

We now know that this whole ‘queer is a slur’ discourse thing didn’t start out of some sense of deep philosophical reasoning, but because this is social media and it turns out that TERFs and other hatemongers figured out exactly how important it was to start programming new bigots. So they cooked up a story and served it up to you, and the rest of us just sit here while you eat it like candy.

Because it’s more important to belong to a group than it is behave in an ethical manner. Participating in long term harassment and intimidation of the queer community is not ethical behavior.

To anyone reading this, I hope this helps you understand this topic from a critical or empathetic perspective. Just remember, try to not think only of yourself. It makes you really easy to manipulate.

6 months ago

me a year ago when “queer is a slur” discourse started going around: “oh well I guess I can understand why that could hurt maybe...

everyone fucking hates capitalism, and it pisses them off, but they dont know they hate capitalism, so they just complain about every issue individually as if its some series of unconnected phenomena with no root cause

You guys aren’t even angry at capitalism, you’re angry Tat the corporations that consistently prove themselves to be anti-humanist machines that are people as resources. Y’all have no problem with small/family businesses, most of you are just pissed off at A) the way our society has made money into a god and B) the fact that we’re ruled by a functional oligarchy.

The problem isn’t capitalism, it’s the power of the upper class over the rest of us. The consumer is rapidly losing power, and we need to take it back.

Example A pictured above

Another thing is that we're told all our lives that capitalism just means "buying and selling things", and not a lot of people question that, leading to the above problem.

Just FYI, the reason that the monster really is capitalism is because capitalism is the de facto global power structure today.

A lot of our problems pre-date capitalism. Imperialism. Colonialism. Sexism. White supremacy. But capitalism is the power structure that currently engages in and pushes those behaviors. If we were having this discussion a thousand years ago on þumblr, we’d be talking about how the divine right of kings and feudalism was the thing that was ruining our lives.

So, yeah. The way society enshrines money as a god is a problem. That’s capitalism. The way that the upper class rules over everyone is a problem. That’s also capitalism.

You hate capitalism.

(Side-note: Small or family businesses are not part of the capitalist class, but businesses exist in an unusual space where any business with the potential for growth is encouraged to continue to grow and join the capitalist class.)

6 months ago

everyone fucking hates capitalism, and it pisses them off, but they dont know they hate capitalism, so they just complain about...

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See folks, this guy gets it. Obama understands that despite all our differences; at the end of the day we’re all millionaires and should have our interests protected at the expense of a better society and the poor in general.

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Obama literally didn’t say this.

Virtually every headline out there has GROSSLY misrepresented him.

In fact, Obama SPECIFICALLY and LITERALLY said he is not criticizing far left-wing activists.

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He was, in fact, urging activists to remain committed, dedicated, and ACTIVE for the Democratic candidate, even if they’re not the shining beacon of left-wing perfection we want (and who also doesn’t exist, by the way).

Obama basically said, “The activists are doing their job. I hope they and your understand that not every goal wil be accomplished overnight. We have to stay active and motivated even when we don’t pass sweeping gun reform and Medicare for all in the first week. Please keep donating so we can keep fighting.”

But surprise surprise, a bunch of journalists with vested interests in the status quo WILDLY misrepresented his words and said, “Hey, even Obama said you need to tone it down.”

WHEN OBAMA WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO SAY HE IS IN NO WAY CRITICIZING THE FAR LEFT.

(The New York Times, by the way, COMPLETELY omitted the above quotes from their article on this speech of Obama’s. Seriously, fuck them.)

Why do you defend him?

Are you unaware of his presidential legacy?

Why do liberals refuse to examine their democrats with the same eye as their republicans?

If you are aware of his acts as potus, how do you reconcile this knowledge with the passion of your defense?

“Why are you telling the truth? Why aren’t you just blindly repeating lies?”

I want to make a few points to highlight the faults in what @anarchistettin​ mentioned up there:

Refusing to repeat lies is not a refusal to criticize.Repeating lies in order to criticize someone undermines the criticism. It’s worse than staying silent because spreading misinformation is harmful and obstructive. At best is makes for a weak argument, and at worst it completely destroys credibility.Labeling someone as a liberal because they said something you didn’t like is a trait common to Republicans and other right-wing ideologues. It’s attacking someone for not demonstrating sufficient purity. By slapping a label on someone, you can dismiss or demean them so you don’t have to address the actual conversation.

The same kind of crap got said when people pointed out that the naked Trump statues were really shitty too, only there instead of repeating lies it was fat shaming and body shaming. And when that was pointed out? People were painted as either overly sensitive or not sufficiently progressive, because obviously those are the only reasons someone might object to joining in a good old fashioned two minutes hate.

I don’t give a fuck how much of a terrible person Trump is, I don’t insult him for his weight or his body because doing so is unethical, doesn’t hurt Trump, and just harms everyone else. Similarly, I don’t give a fuck how many people died to drone strikes during Obama’s administration, telling lies about what he’s said does *absolutely nothing* to hold him accountable and only makes it harder to actually discuss his unethical acts.

Do better, comrades.

6 months ago

See folks, this guy gets it. Obama understands that despite all our differences; at the end of the day we’re all millionaires...

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the line between ‘this is wholesome because it’s encouraging people to break down gender stereotypes without shame’ and ‘this is...

6 months ago

the line between ‘this is wholesome because it’s encouraging people to break down gender stereotypes without shame’ and ‘this is...

Idk how to put this lightly, but if you grew up in america nd u think it’s okay to ban fiction on the basis that it might “corrupt” people, congrats, u’re a participant in the ancient american tradition of being just fucking unbearably conservative 

imagine coming out to attack censorship only in relation to the fact that people don’t think child porn should be publicly available on an easily accessible website

it’s not lol

fyi, child porn, by typical anti definition (anything under 17 or if your feeling especially stupid, anything under 25 if someone is “child coded”), exists in your public library and probably in our local schools. Hell, I read  two amazing books that have won awards that have explicit sex between 17 year olds and a 100+ year old men who present as 40+ year old men. 

Any child could go “ooh flowers :o” and pick it up and read it.  ASoIaF is full of explicit ~child porn~ Danny is 14 is the novels having explicit un-frowned upon sex with an adult.  Some of my favorite mangas, discovered at age 12 via my public library :), involve teens and adults. The 1968 Romeo and Juliet movie involves relatively explicit sex between 14 and 17 year old Juliet and Romeo (who are both depicted as children). Available at public libraries. Watched around the country in public schools. 

“Discover America” and “My Story” type novels about little girls throughout history, explicitly marketed at juvenile girls (under 13, but mainly 9-11) have stories about girls being married or entering suggestive situations, oftentimes with adults, without any explicit condemnation (sometimes unwitting excitement). 

A YA novel with a child’s reading level contains: “Mentions of prostitutes.  A near rape of an 11 year old. It has quite a lot of sexual name calling. Selene sees her father commit suicide.” Recommended for tweens. 

Oh, and gosh dernit, none of this is mentioned anywhere on the outside of the book! None of it!! Implied? Perhaps, usually not. But there is not an opening page of the book where you’re allowed to kind of checkout what you’re in for and if you’re going to be expected to root for. There’s no “#incest” on the opening cover of children’s books for Cleopatra. There’s no “#rape” in the opening of Shakespeare’s Titus Andronicus.

And the authors and creators of this stuff are getting paid!!! Some of them are making thousands upon hundreds of thousands of dollars off of ~explicit child porn~ which gets exposed to potentially 300 million to 5 billion people. Kind of makes small potatoes out of unpaid fanfic authors posting their 10k hit fanfic on a website to an audience of a potentional 100 million. 

Like, for reference, there’s an infamous homestuck pairing/man that has explicit “”child porn”” fics (mostly written by authors who are CSA survivors taking control of their own trauam) that one of the most viewed fics has a whopping….8.76k views. You have to consent to the very action of opening it before you read it. It has very explicit tags about what is inside it including tags labeling it as unsavory behavior that actively condemns the content inside of it

Compare that to ASoIaF  that has 2.8 MILLION reviews on goodreads, a number that can probably be multiplied by 5 of people who have read it, and is a book that contains very explicit “”child porn”” of a 14 year old and is readily available at your local Walmart at child-grabbing height. Strangers will recommend you read it. All your high school friends gush about it on Facebook. Co-workers talk about it at work. Yet no mention of the “”child porn”” inside.

love that you assumed i’m somehow okay with child porn in published works but draw the line at fanfic

it’s all bad, actually

and there is a nuanced conversation to be had about authors exploring and taking control of their trauma through writing

but there is literal child porn on ao3 that isn’t very hard to find and that i have accidentally stumbled upon. it isn’t about exploring trauma. it doesn’t condemn the act. it’s literally an author writing a story so they and others can get off to little kids in sexual situations, and it’s still there, and nobody’s doing anything about it. i’m amazed you’re okay with this.

There’s pictures of real children (who are real and exist) being physically hurt on AO3? Idk what you’re looking for but you should report those real children and real images that are of real children to both AO3 and the police.

That sounds really serious. It’d be a shame if you were comparing real trauma to fictional characters, which is what I thought you were doing, but it’s Good to know you’re talking about REAL CHILDREN WHO ACTUALLY EXPERIENCE REAL PAIN AND CAN ACTUALLY BE HURT IN REALITY and not fictional children that aren’t real and their pain is non existent.

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it sounds an AWFUL lot like you’re trying to tell me that fiction can’t be used to groom children into thinking that horrible things are okay despite mountains of evidence to the contrary

Mountains? Lemme at it. Make sure that the results in that research points to the idea that it’s the authors fault for writing something and not the groomer’s fault for grooming. 

I’m just going to point this out for @gam8lignants and everyone else that might read this, fiction isn’t used to groom children like that.

Not only is it not used to groom children, saying so is such a fundamental misunderstanding of how grooming works that you can trust that people who say such things don’t actually understand what grooming is.

This is a core aspect of the just how uninformed and ignorant antis are when it comes to the topics they claim to care about.

Grooming is a form of social manipulation in which a predator tries to befriend and gain their trust. It doesn’t happen from reading a book, it happens from having social contact with a predator. It’s about the direct interaction and process of gaining trust.

When predators do give children access to media in order to normalize predatory behavior? It’s not about giving the child 80,000 word novel as some sort of Brainiac-level grand master chess strategy to subtly influence the child’s world view. The predator just straight up shows the child real, actual pornography in order to try to make the kid not freak out when the abuse escalates.

The real world is not a movie. Hannibal Lector does not exist. There is no such thing as the genius level supervillain. Human beings are not deeply conditioned sheep that are brainwashed by the existence of Law & Order. Teenagers do not lose their minds and start killing themselves when their DnD character dies.

Grooming is nasty, violent act perpetrated by a predator, not a book. Not fanfic. And actual cp is horrific and terrible and harms actual living children, not fictional characters.

And when you consider that antis care more about their narrative than learning things like this? It makes it really hard to believe it when they say they care about actually protecting children. They don’t. They just care about policing content creators, especially if they’re women, especially if they’re queer, and especially if they’re people of color.

Just reblogging this to point out that in response to this and other things said on this thread, gam8lignants just intensified their behavior, arguing that anyone who disagreed with them was a pedophile. I was not along in illustrating how gam8lignants doesn’t understand concepts like grooming and much like other people who police fandom, the only response offered was to simply reassert that their ignorance was true.

I’m mentioning this because this is a real problem and it’s one of the ways I illustrate how authoritarian antis can be. They don’t have reasons, they have beliefs. And if that belief says that you’re not part of their in-group, it doesn’t matter what kind of evidence you have or if you’ve got the better argument, you’re wrong and worthy of attack.

6 months ago

Idk how to put this lightly, but if you grew up in america nd u think it’s okay to ban fiction on the basis that it...