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Probably on the toilet

Hello!! I am definitely not eating crisps. (I probably am.) I'm Anwen. I'm 28 and I live in Wales, which is a coincidence as I am Welsh. I am also very smol.

When I have time, I do comedy myth retellings and Classics trivia over at here!

You can buy my retelling of the Medusa myth in paperback here or as an ebook here!

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This is a snapshot view of original blog at teashoesandhair.tumblr.com

Toplist Points 18843 == Toplist Rank [10.000 (good)]

1 day ago

Your mother is hilarious.

1 day ago

How was your first day? I hope it went well for you!! Take care 💜

1 day ago

It delights my soul that someone else loves Hawkeye Pierce as much as I do. Half my friends have never even heard of MASH.

Today is the first birthday you did not look forward to. Your birthday marked by death for a decade, the day after your dead father’s. When they learnt that your body was losing its own civil war, you told them your birthday was only three months away. I’ll be sixty-one, you said. Will I make it? Unlikely, they said. They did not say impossible. And you let yourself imagine your final birthday at home, on the periphery, perhaps, the flame of your life faltering but not yet guttered. You would be surrounded by daffodils, the two crows in the garden you’d befriended watching over you, not yet, not yet. 

You did not go home. Three weeks later, I told you I was sorry, that I would always be sorry, and walked away from you. There was nothing left to leave.

On the day you should have been alive, I wandered around a part of London that I did not know. I needed to be somewhere you had never been, somewhere untouched by you, because you were overflowing in me. I wound my way through underground passages and saw your face in every unknown. No-one asked me why I could not stop crying and it felt like a blessing. I did not know how to say it, how to talk about you. The wound of you was still raw, a severed limb, something that bled.

He is not here, I would have said. He wanted to be here. He wanted, so much, to be here, to have this day amongst his last, and I could not give it to him. And every year we are dragged further from the anchor of you, borne away on some tide that carries us away from that last warmth in your curled palm. One day, this will not hurt. Not yet, not yet.

3 days ago

Today is the first birthday you did not look forward to. Your birthday marked by death for a decade, the day after your dead...

3 days ago

I feel like this is relevant to your interests: there's a Canadian show called Transplant that has John Hannah in it, and damn...

On that lovespoon post, there are lots of tags which are like ‘omg I’m going to write a fic with this in’ and ‘my character is definitely going to do this!’ and I’m just so eager for the Lovespoon Renaissance… smooching is OUT, spooning is IN.

I’m talking about romance novels where the narrative ends with both characters solemnly exchanging handcrafted lovespoons. Sci-fi novels where an alien sees a lovespoon, completely misunderstands the tradition, and just starts giving all their friends cutlery from the spaceship cafeteria, until someone explains how it works and the alien crafts one out of, like, discarded scrap metal and it doubles up as a GPS tracker. Fanfiction where the whole premise is just a misunderstanding around the word ‘spooning’. GOD I’m so ready for lovespoons to become the newest relationship trope.

Don’t mind if I do!  Here are 720 words of Love Spoons In Space:

———

It was a day like any other aboard the starship Bouquet of Jellyfish. The ship’s mixed-species crew was going about their lives in deep space. Two Armorlites dominated in the sports arena, a Hard Skin won a promotion in the command center, and a human declared undying love in the manner of his ancestors: with an intricately carved wooden spoon that he had made himself.

His love was reciprocated. There was rampant hugging in the hallways, and approval from the various onlookers.

One of these onlookers was Galaeyue, a Frillian who thought it looked like a fine idea. She hurried off in a flutter of green and pink fins to do something similar. It was almost mealtime; perfect.

Keep reading

THIS IS THE GREATEST STORY AND I LOVE IT AND I WANT TO GIVE IT A LOVESPOON

4 days ago

On that lovespoon post, there are lots of tags which are like ‘omg I’m going to write a fic with this in’ and ‘my character is...

I'm bisexual, which means I'm attracted to all women and Hawkeye Pierce from M*A*S*H

4 days ago

I'm bisexual, which means I'm attracted to all women and Hawkeye Pierce from M*A*S*H

I’m bisexual, which means I’m attracted to all women and Hawkeye Pierce from M*A*S*H

5 days ago

I'm bisexual, which means I'm attracted to all women and Hawkeye Pierce from M*A*S*H

5 days ago

Hi there! I had a quick Welsh question that I hoped you'd might help with - I recently read a book that I am in love with which...

5 days ago

Okay I have one thousand million questions about the “Richie Tozier is Famous and Loves His Boyfriend” verse because it is truly...

5 days ago

⭐star⭐ but also I really want to know Ardeth's thoughts in Best Laid Plans

5 days ago

What is the job??? So excited for you!

5 days ago

I know nothing about you so forgive the possibly ignorant sounding or intrusive comment. Perhaps try to think of your audio...

5 days ago

I know nothing about you so forgive the possibly ignorant sounding or intrusive comment. Perhaps try to think of your audio...

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The only acceptable reason for this is if this character is actually a demon who seduces men and then eats them. [source]

who wrote this, expose him

my breasts are nicely separated. Completely divided, every year they move apart by half an inch.

My breasts are nicely separated though they still fight for custody of the children.

I,,a woman,,,am WiDeR LOweR dOwN

That was difficult to read.

So ugly

My name is Ebony D'arkness Dementia Raven Way, and my breasts are nicely separated

OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT AND HOW ON EARTH DID IT GET PUBLISHED

You can always tell when it’s a man writing a description because they focus oddly on the breasts. There will always be something about breasts and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read historical or fantasy fiction and they talk about “her breasts hanging freely under her tunic” or what the fuck ever and it’s like…women don’t do that? We don’t describe ourselves by saying “I have blonde hair and blue eyes and my breasts hang freely under my tunic”.I kind of feel like we should counter by awkwardly mentioning all male character’s balls in their description. It’s kind of in the same vein.

“I have auburn hair and hazel eyes and my copious nicely separated balls hangs freely under my breeches”

G E T W I D E R L O W E R D O W N

“To get back to my body”

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This is the first time I saw this post with art and I am in tears.

Reblogging again because IT HAS BEEN ILLUSTRATED NOW 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Im actually laughing so hard omg

end harpy shaming 2k18

harpy shaming

Reblogging for harpy

This abomination of a book is Reader for Hire by Raymond Jean, for those wondering…

5 days ago

The only acceptable reason for this is if this character is actually a demon who seduces men and then eats them. [source]

I just… got offered… an actual job… a JOB… in the year of our Lord 2020? A job? Income? I am all aquiver.

5 days ago

I just... got offered... an actual job... a JOB... in the year of our Lord 2020? A job? Income? I am all aquiver.

6 days ago

Hello, would you like to hear a song which has exquisite FUCK YOU PAL energy? Of course you would. You’re welcome. (Song is...

Video
breakfast in bed

6 days ago

breakfast in bed

6 days ago

You have the same energy as Sophie from Howl's Moving Castle

I am a little high but what if people proposed with beautiful, intricate knives. Ladies would gather around the table and be like “guess what finally happened!!” And pull this beautiful, intricate dagger out of her purse and all the other ladies would gasp and congratulate her

Me: I’m a little high but –

Y'all rushing to that reblog button:

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Originally posted by exploratorium

It’s an awesome idea tho

Because I have a tag for pretty weaponry, some knives I’d accept as proposals follow:

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I said yes! 

(but, actually, hubby bought me a dive knife when we got married so this works…)

I can 100% get behind this as a new tradition.

Ok but this is amazing becuase knives are dangerous and you can use them to hurt other people but when someone proposes with one it’s symbolic like “yes I love you and trust you so much I’m asking you a very vulnerable question with something you could hurt me with but I know you won’t”

@kinglesbiancore

@lady-redshield-writes this seems up your alley

This isn’t just up my alley, it’s traveled all the way down the alley, through my front door, and is sitting on my couch. I love this so much.

@sparklemotion24 I know we’re doing rings but these are amazing

AAAAAAAHHHH IT’S THE POST I’VE SEEN IN SCREENSHOTS don’t mind if I just-

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the only way im getting married

@lisaserdaigle this is the sexiest thread i’ve ever seen

My future SO best propose like this omg-

The post grew 😆😆😆

@letmebegaykaren 😳👉👈

Just a thought but this brings the idea that you shouldn’t get married to someone if you wouldn’t trust them with a knife.

I hate rings; I LOVE sharp pointy things. This is insanely sexy.

And, in the phenomenally infinitesimal chance of having anyone in my life, especially one who would propose, if they proposed like this? I am fairly certain my brain and breath would stop working.

THEY would be someone who knew me.

Now I’m just imaging two married people being beset in an alleyway by a total scoundrel, and the inevitable dreadful argument that would ensue over whether Married Person 1 could use the incredibly ornate knife with the moonstone handle that Married Person 2 used to propose to them in order to defend them both from the scoundrel

MP1: be gone, scoundrel! I have a knife!

MP2: oh, no you bloody don’t. Not that knife! That’s the thanks I get for months of dedicated craftsmanship. I can’t believe this. What, don’t you appreciate it?

MP1: I - what? It’s a knife! We’re being set upon by a scoundrel in an alleyway! This is the perfect opportunity to show you that I appreciate it by using it to save both of our lives! It’s literally the purpose of a knife, darling!

MP2: that’s as maybe, but you’ll ruin the blade. I spent months on that! Didn’t you ever learn that it’s polite to take care of your prized possessions, especially the ones that someone has lovingly made for you with their own fair hands?

MP1: well, obviously I’ll stab him carefully so that the blade isn’t ruined, dear. I’ll only aim for the soft bits.

MP2: you’ll still get blood on the handle, and it took weeks to carve that. It’ll never come out. Absolutely not. You’re not using it.

MP1: sweetheart, I really don’t think the priority right now should be -

MP2: if you finish that sentence, so help me, I will stab you myself.

Scoundrel: I’ll just… leave…

6 days ago

I am a little high but what if people proposed with beautiful, intricate knives. Ladies would gather around the table and be...

6 days ago

nxksdj do you (or any of your followers) happen to know the fic where eddie yells at someone for yelling at a starbucks cashier...

6 days ago

I'm really excited to incorporate the lovespoon tradition because my OC is actually Welsh. He's a Welsh vampire born in the...